i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
