I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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