I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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