LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
