We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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