saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
