i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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