What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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