so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
