When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
