I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
