matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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