well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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