I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
