me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
