Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
