So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
