I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
