um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
