we made out on top of his cat.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
