I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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