god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
