Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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