I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
