im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
