Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
