yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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