I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
