he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
