My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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