batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How naked do you want me to be?
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