im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
