How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
