fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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