OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
