So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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