he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
