Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
