hell yes lets make some ravioli
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
