Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
