I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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