Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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