I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize