Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
