I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
