im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
third nipple confirmed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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