I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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