Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
