I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
