omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
