I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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