Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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