operation harelip BJ is a go
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
