he was CRYING into my vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
