Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
