with your own penis?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
