Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
