you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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