please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
