On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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