can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
