Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
