I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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