They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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