Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
