I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
