I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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