went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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